I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just fell off a train. Bad.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He uses pillows to masturbate.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize