I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
