I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
