this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
