Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize