On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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