It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
