'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
