wanna go halves on a baby?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
