i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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