Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
