We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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