Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
