Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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