hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
