We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
