He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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