You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
