I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
