i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
