He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
