I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
