there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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