Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
