Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
