My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
