what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
