your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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