normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
