Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
