wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
