do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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