i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize