Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I looked at my own cervix.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
