So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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