My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize