it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
