Screwed.edu
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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