Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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