Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
