in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
