there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
