my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
