Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
