And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
MIDGETS
????
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize