You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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