one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
