I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
