Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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