Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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