Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
