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• (546): View more from

  Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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• (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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• (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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• (760): View more from California

  What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.

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• (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  "Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."

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• (831): View more from California

  Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck

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• (315): View more from New York

  He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.

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