ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
