Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
