For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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