You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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