Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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