You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
