dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
