He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
