I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sober January is a disaster.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
