Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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