He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
