I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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