The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
