I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
