she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
