Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I FOUND THE LEGS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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