Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
