I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
