We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just had sex on a roof
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
