Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
