Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
