I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm too high and old for this...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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