if you like me you must not know who I am
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
