Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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