I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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