I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize