ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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