apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
