even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
