woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize