Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
