nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
