her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This baby is an asshole
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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