I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
