ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have fence marks all over my body
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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