There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
