Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
