Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Panties = found
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
