just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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