Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
