i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
