he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She bit a glass in half.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
