If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
