be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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