drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
