i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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