he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
