we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
