I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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