I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize