i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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