I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
