Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
