Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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