Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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