i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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