I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
